I don't think there is anything worse than a Witness funeral. Ray Franz wrote movingly about his uncle conducting one with no reference to the deceased. Witness funerals are naked power grabs. A similar thing happened in my family. My mom was born in a family that had been active since Russell. She was expelled for the flag salute. The Witnesses plagued her life. When my abusive father died, I told her she would need the police to force me to KH against my will and that I would resist physically and sing loud songs. The civil rights movement was strong. When he died, I refused to have anything to do with them. It shocked me but she quit immediately.
She would come to me to Anglican churches. Sadly, she totally rejected the Witnesses. She was bitter and with good reason. Among her few possessions was a poem about not being controlled by religion. It was a piece of crap in terms of writing style but she loved it. Her essence of being was summed up in that poem. The poem went on and on about no religion claiming his life. My mom left express wishes about her death. She wanted only immediate family, no JWs invited at all. Her ashes were to be scattered at the Jersey shore.
I am single, temporarily. My brother is single, was a Maoist (notice the cult influence) and atheist, my sister was raised JW but converted to Roman Catholicism. She was married to a RC. If her husband were a voodoo practicing Buddhist Taosit, she would be one. I read her handwritten will. Since I am a lawyer, I feared my siblings would claim I exerted an undue influence. I begged her to handwrite her will to prove her wishes. We meet. My brother in law shows up. My brother in law did not pop out of my mom's body. He is an arrogant Arab. Extremely arrogant, presumptious and ignorant. He is an engineer. You would be in utter disbelief that he ever attend college for one day. He demanded a CAtholic funeral wit his priest. My brother and sister knew my mom's wishes for decades. I was very ill and battling hard to function. Not one of them said Boo to him. I said with imported lawyerly arrogance and determination that he had no vote. Further, our wishes did not control. Her valid will was the only one things would be done. Otherwise, I could obtain a court order without any money out of my pocket. My brother in law is a true jerk. It is my siblings' behavior that hurt me deeply.
I became the heavy and bad one for insisting that her wishes, not mine, were followed. That poem could be a classic English textbook example of how not to write. It was her love. She kept it folded with her my birth certificate and other papers for decades. Periodically, she would take it out and read it, affirming its importance to her.
My brother in law is very ruthless. He from his immigrant status condemns my religion (Episcopal -how much closer can you get to Catholic?) and my political beliefs (Dem, unions were my parents passion even during the Witnesses.). I worked for the U.S. Senate for a presidential candidate. Because I am an Ivy League grad the Ivy League is nothing. Dumbing down is preferable. Coming from Manhattan, I was used to diverse groups of people adoring their diversity and always showing respect. I've discussed Christianity with Jewish friends far more than Christian friends). The Episcopal Church is so valuable to me b/c of the Witnesses. It is my choice. My treasure. He can be a Roman Catholic. I don't bother him. Meals, brief visits were hell. Finally, he became just like my father witnessing. I met with the priest. If I play by his behavior, I am doomed to become what I abhor. If I just sit there, my religion and values are dirt. She explained it had nothing to do with politics or religion. Rather, it was a naked assertion of power.
I stopped focusing on every exchange, preparing responses to being baited. My sister just watches but does not bait and hammer me over the head. Of course, if her hubby were polka dot, she'd be polka dot. She has no personhood. They can only exercise power over me if I allow it. I started answering back in small measures. It is not perfect. I still become enraged. The debate is whether to even bother with my sister. Remembering it is not about anything factual helps me cope.
Facts don't matter. Reality doesn't matter. He is like Hitler with the putsch. My father spent countless hours researching Witness repudiations of Catholic doctrine. he had no love fo rhis co-workers. He was an ignorant ass. His employer gave him final notice about the haranguing. Wives of his co-workers would call my mom begging her to stop him. One man even had a heart attack! Priests were consulted. It was mess. He was so proud when he won a little minute point. Finally, a Jesuit seminarian worked there. My father screamed at him about the translation of soul. A large debate ensued. My father came home (he was a Bethelite for about fifteen years)and took to bed in deep depression. He acknowledged the Society was wrong. So he gave his witness. I thought you witnessed to spread the good news and convert people. He spread an ugly gospel and not one person was converted. Rather, the entire neighborhood discussed his vulgar ways.
Witnesses are very antangonistic. Where is the love? Love over another as I have loved you. First and last commandment. I know the personality type that you describe so well.
